|You Have Been Warned...|
This is the first....
|Photo and Story from the Associated Press, published in the New York Post, 12/19/14|
Now, granted that this is Utah. This is a state where bikinis are...shall we say...out of style. This is a state of Ultra-Conservative Mormons who have a history of considering Rolling Stone, Cream, Tiger Beat...pornography (thank you Jello Biafra). This is a state where Victoria Secret is close to being outlawed, but Abercrombie & Fitch still have their half naked male models displayed all over their walls and nobody bats an eyelid. This is a state where gay marriage is considered icky, but a man marrying multiple wives at the same time is a-ok. Utah is what it is and a tiger can't change it's stripes overnight. All you can do is just shake your head. Still, I can't help thinking back to 2003.
...Does anyone remember the whole “Freedom Fry” thing? Around the time when 'Murica REALLY started losing its mind?
In 2003, President Bush officially declared War on Terror at a UN Security Council Meeting. The French Minister of Foreign Affairs (which only sounds sexier than it actually is) declared in no uncertain terms that France will not support an invasion of Iraq. Upon hearing this, a lot of people in this country got a little bit unamused. Fox News fanned the flames of xenophobia and dredged up centuries of distrust towards the French (because, y'know, that's what they do) by shouting their oh-so unbiased reports on Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast and Freedom Kissing and Freedom Ticklers and on and on... but one item they “reported” on caught my attention.
After the rash of banishing of the word French from everything on American markets, “Sorry, French's Mustard, I know your product is named after a person and not the country, but you are going to have to change your name to 'Billy Bob's Kick Ass Yeller Hot Dog Sauce.' Because 'Murica, that's why!” After all that madness started getting old, there was a movement by some people to buy all the Champagne they could and dump it out in the streets (sorry I couldn't find a link for this. This actually happened, but it looks like all information on it has been wiped from the internet...hmmm). I remember seeing images on the morning news of these well dressed wall street types buying cases of really expensive French wine and dumping it into the streets like they were shooting for the same effect the Boston Tea Party did a long time ago. All the while, these well-coifed morons we're laughing in the style of “Muaahhahahaaa...We sure showed them Froggies! Hehhehehhhh...” What you couldn't hear in the background was the entire country of France laughing at them. “Ha HA, américains stupides! La blague est sur vous! Vous deviez toujours acheter notre champagne pour le déverser dehors. Ainsi remercie de tout l'argent comptant. Vous êtes un crétin complet!” Loosely translated it says, “You do realize that you had to BUY the Champagne in the first place in order to dump it out, right? Oh well...YES! oohhhh...[shake fist] I guess you showed us, what with you giving us a whole bunch of money...in...protest...soooo....GOOD LUCK!”
It would be one thing if they brazenly did a smash and grab job in every liquor store in their zip code; breaking in in the middle of the night and taking everything with a French label, taking it all to the nose-bleed section of a Wal Mart parking lot, and then setting it on fire. THAT would have made more of a statement. But they didn't do that. This mother of an 18 year old young man could have made more of a statement by chucking paint balloons at the window thereby covering up all the naughty bits so as not to offend the eyes of her impressionable, young, innocent 18 year old son. THAT would have made more of a statement. But she didn't do that. She instead choose to spend close to $600 of her own money, boosting this franchise's revenue, probably enabling them to receive a huge bonus check and a pat on the back by the CEO, bringing them that much closer to opening another store nearby, all because she was protesting the so-called "indecent imagery" printed on the t-shirts. You didn't make a stand against the tyranny of indecency, you actively participated in Capitalism. Congratulations! Way to stick it to the man!
Look, I grew up in the Eighties, and this whole uptight, conservative housewife act is nothing new to me. And
|AGGGHHH!!! MAKE IT STAHP!!!|
|Oh mah goodn...I mean AAGGHH!! MY EYES!!|
The mother is quoted as saying, “I hope my efforts will inspire others to speak up within their communities,” So does every other shop and franchise owner in every other mall in America, ma'am. So do they...